Mark Andrews: Bad lad Nad, flamboyant office wear, and speed…

Your lawyer will see you now

How many people of us can honestly say we have never slipped up with our finances, incurred a £1 million tax penalty, and had to pay back £4.8 million to the Inland Revenue?

It is, though, slightly concerning that somebody who, in his own words, was a bit careless with a few million of his own money, was put in charge of the public finances.

Of course, he’s no longer Chancellor. He’s now chairman of the Conservative Party, responsible for making the Tories more attractive to the average voter. How would you say that’s going, Nadhim?

Imagine sitting apprehensively in the waiting room, bracing yourself for a meeting with your lawyer about a matter which could be crucial to your life.

And then somebody with pink hair, wearing a blue sequinned jacket and golden leather slacks comes out to greet you. Would you feel your case was being taken seriously?

Staff at law firm Vardags have been told to dress like they are on a night out at celebrity nightclub Annabels, and ‘be as wildly fabulous as you like’. Coloured hair, leather trousers and sequinned jackets are suggested.

Frankly I can imagine few things worse than working in an office populated by people dressed like they are auditioning for an am-dram production of Chicago. Especially if they are encouraged to express their “fabulously wild” personalities in other ways too.

Dress codes exist for a reason, and I suspect the majority prefer to operate in a sober, professional and smartly dressed environment.

Besides, my turquoise feather boa is at the cleaners.

And, of course, it is only a matter of time before militant vegans claim they are suffering anxiety over the leather strides.

Drones are to be fitted with electronic ‘number plates’ so they can be monitored by the authorities.

The mind boggles. How will they enforce that? Maybe coppers with model aeroplanes will patrol the skies for nefarious activities. Or sit in parked cars on the common, pointing radar guns into the sky. Before you know it, they’ll be sending miscreants on drone awareness courses.

From next month, my local prescription telephone hotline will close. Instead I have the choice of going to the surgery or installing an NHS mobile phone app.

I’ll manage, but it will be much harder for the elderly and frail who struggle to get out of the house or understand the new technology.

Another example of the tentacles of big tech are reaching into our daily lives.

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